As the ramifications of the botched Christmas-day bombing of a Northwestern flight continue to reverberate through our airports, new information has come to light about Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab and his recent visit to Detroit.

It is now being reported that Mr. Abdulmutallab approached the check-in counter with a mysterious travelling companion who insisted on doing all the talking during the pre-flight process.  He had no passport.  He paid for his ticket in cash.  Despite travelling from Nigeria to Amsterdam to Detroit, he had no luggage to check.

If you missed my raving rant on the colossal stupidity of our existing airline security procedures, have yourself a laugh by clicking here.  If on the other hand you’re looking for me to offer my sage wisdom to airport security, look no further.  Here’s a way to profile a passenger without even raising the ire of those who screech “racism” every time someone suggests different passengers be treated differently.

So, without further ado: you know you should be heading to secondary when…

• You show up for your flight without a passport.  This is a pretty easy one.  It doesn’t matter if your name is Smith, Rodriguez, or Abdulmutallab, if you haven’t got a passport, you probably shouldn’t be getting on a plane at all.  If our overly generous airport screeners do however want to consider you as a candidate for air travel, you should probably head over to the secondary search cubicle while we ask you a few simple questions like…er…say…got any picture I.D.?
• You won’t speak for yourself.  Who knows.  Maybe Abdulmutallab’s mysterious companion was just a Nigerian cabbie hunting for a really good tip from a guy he dropped off at the airport.  But it still may be prudent to insist that the person seeking to board the flight be the person who actually answers those basic questions we all get asked, like “Did you pack this bag yourself?”.
• You pay cash for your ticket.  Cash is king.  I know.  I know.  We all want to pay the drywall guy in cash because your brother-in-law said he’ll give you a great deal, but if you show up at an airport to book an international flight and you reach into your jeans (or burka as the case may be) to dig out a wad of 20’s to pay the hundreds of dollars for your ticket, I think we should send you over to secondary for a brief look-see.
• You buy a one-way ticket.  I’m as frugal as the next guy and I recognize that you can save a few bucks booking different airlines each way or you may even be moving to a new destination.  Still, the vast majority of us plan to come home from our trips abroad.  Terrorists?  Not so much.  One-way ticket…ease on down to secondary examination please.
• You haven’t checked any luggage.  Packing light is to be commended — particularly in a world where the cost of checking a bag can easily exceed the value of the t-shirts and underwear stuffed in the bag.  That said, if you’re flying from Lagos to Detroit and didn’t pack a tooth brush, I’d like somebody to have a quick chat with you before we share an airplane.

There you have it.  Not a whiff of “racial” in this “profiling” yet these simple steps (that would be obvious to any ten year old) seem to be ignored in favour of rules that require grandmothers to take their sandals off or some other such nonsense.

How does Israel’s national airline, El Al, boast a 100% perfect security record despite being the prime target for terrorists around the world? Hint: it’s not about making you take your shoes off or restricting how much liquid you can bring on a plane (both things El Al doesn’t bother with). Watch and Learn.